Tuesday, December 4, 2012

4 Good Lessons "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" Teaches Kids: The Rebuttal

You should first acknowledge the difference between the Expressive and Analytic personality types. Erik is an Analytic: they tend toward the pessimistic outlook on life.

This carries over to Christmas movies. You may not have noticed, but some of the individuals in your life cannot tolerate Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. There are explanations for this aversion, but they can mostly be summarized by the following description--these movies are sad and depressing.

Well folks, despite what Cracked.com may underscore concerning these films, I will annihilate their logic with a very Screw Lucy blog from a very Screw Lucy perspective:

1. Santa, like most management, has serious issues.

Throughout the story of Rudolph, we observe a variety of problems that are true to real life. One, the big guy in charge has serious issues. He resists his loving wife who is obviously concerned about his image in business, he is clueless about the ins and outs of the industry of which he is ultimately responsible, and he blatantly ignores the concerns of the one individual that could make or break his company.

I beg the question: what conglomerate does not reflect this archetype? You have ignored a learning opportunity with your child if, while reflecting upon Rudolph's Santa, you haven't taken your precious child upon your lap to advise them that some day they too will have the opportunity to work for a guy in a suit that, while appearing ideal and accomplished to the general public, is in actuality slighting his family and ignoring the needs of the little people who have the skills and presence of mind to usurp his authority and "stick it to the man." This movie is not called "The Uprising of the Seasonally Skinny Santa." I think you get the picture.

2. Being different sucks in the beginning.

During a commercial break, your child may be slightly miffed or unsettled at the treatment Rudolph is receiving from Santa, Clarice, his family, and even the Elves. Please utilize this time to disclose to your child that most of the greats received a barrage of bullying during the earlier stages of their career. You may want to visit the pristine examples of Eminem and Bill Clinton. Eminem was beaten up, chastised by his mother, and survived a suicide attempt. In this child/parent moment you may want to examine a few key quotes by this successful and world famous rap artist. I recommend several relevant adages including,"I am whatever you say I am; if I wasn't, then why would you say I am?" and "I was poor white trash, no glitter, no glamour but I'm not ashamed of anything."

Bill Clinton was a fat kid known for his love of fast food and equally fast women. Perhaps you could revisit a few of his more well-known quotes when your child is older, including,"I did not have sex with that woman."

On second thought, we may want to leave Clinton out of this and go with Taylor Swift instead. You may encourage your child that she has produced many successful songs based on her moments of heartbreak, which I'm sure have nothing at all to do with any personality flaws.

3. Boring and unimaginative people don't appreciate you accentuating their crap.

This particular lesson is best exemplified in Hermey the Elf. He shared his dissatisfaction with his monotonous and conventional occupation only to receive backlash from his peers, who obviously knew they were incapable of the skills and ingenuity necessary to leave a dead end job. In the summary of the film, we notice Hermey reappears, only to graciously examine his former coworkers teeth that have been rotted by excessive amounts of candy, which the elves could only afford through the paltry wages afforded by Santa the slave driver. Here is an excellent coaching tool for your unique and ambitious child to demonstrate a moment of truth: people don't like others who do not bow to the drone mentality of the commonplace.

4. The moral of the story: freaks will realize their superiority and use their solidarity against their oppressors.

In the end, we see that Santa's level of perception and character has not changed a bit. Rudolph returns from his brave and courageous journey a better buck, having rejected normalcy only to find community, challenge, and calling. Santa is still repulsed by his nose, yet in a moment of rare clarity, recognizes he may use his former employee's perceived malady to his own cunning and conniving success. I assure you, folks--Rudolph is not getting holiday pay here. He, after all, did not work the day before AND after the holiday.

However, Rudolph is not being used. No sir. Rudolph realizes that sometimes in business you have to manipulate the Big Man to truly benefit the people. He presents himself as an humble and honorable candidate for Santa's seedy scheme, but we who are also freaks acknowledge the bigger picture: Rudolph "nose" there is no funding for the Island of Misfit toys so therefore uses Santa's own meager guile against him to find homes for all his outcast associates.

We also take comfort in the even bigger picture that, unlike their dull and ne'er-do-well assembly, Rudolph, Hermey, and Yukon Cornelius have risen above the basic and archaic concept of an eye-for-an-eye in order to exemplemplify a higher road--a Northern Pole if you will--in doing unto others what you would have them do unto you. Yukon Cornelius is the social worker in this scenario as he has partnered with Hermey to remove the teeth of the Abominable Snowman to restore him as a productive member of society.

I will conclude this blog by quoting the often under appreciated Christmas character, Sam the Snowman:

It's always the same story.