Monday, May 19, 2014

Winkin, Blinkin, and Nod, One Night Sailed Off on an Ocean of Beer

Enjoy my assessment of the Exclusive Four Course Beer Pairing Dinner at Crown Sterling from the perspective of my eyes, ears, and other sundry noggin appendages.


SCrew Ears

So, if this lady, Lee Johns, is anywhere as good at her Beer Master skills as she is at oratory delivery I'm kind of feeling good about this whole beer pairing dinner thing...

SCrew Hand:

Shhh. I'm trying to keep up. She's explaining the intricate details of their Apocalypse sticker...

SCrew Ear:

Oh yeah I heard. Can you believe people complain about the name--how it's too evil and foreboding? 


SCrew Mouth:

(mumbling) Only in (insert suitable expletive) Lynchburg. Remember when they had an issue with "The Haunted Book Shop" and the owner had to change the name to "Bookshop on the Avenue" because all the Fundamentalists thought they were going to be possessed by enchanted bookmarks?" 

SCrew Eyes:

Be quiet. I heard her say that the first pairing is coming out--it's a salad and the beer has a flaxen, honey appearance...

SCrew Mouth:

Um...you didn't hear that. Ears did. 

SCrew Eyes:

Touche, Mouth. Touche. Anyway, here's something I didn't know until Ears explained it to me--did you know each of the beers will be included in tonight's entrees?! 

SCrew Mouth:

Never! Hands--a little help here! Hmmm...Golden Censor--Canadian honey...orange peel...

SCrew Ears:

I heard her say this is called a "divorce" beer because she and her husband Doug had a huge argument over offering it as a light, refreshing, summer beer. Also "Golden Censor" is a nod to the book of Revelation. You know--alters, angels, bowls...um...gold stuff...

SCrew Mouth:

It tastes like she won. And thank God for that. Meanwhile I like how the Chef--Shawn Minnix--tossed oranges into the greens mix--not to mention the zesty beer dressing is delightful.


SCrew Eyes:

Well, I see that was a success...

SCrew Ears:

Hey, I heard them talk about the second course: we're expecting stuffed mushrooms with crab meat and Andouille sausage with a spicy Hopocalypse mustard sauce on the side.

SCrew Mouth:

HOPOCALPYSE! That's RICH! Hahahahahaha!

SCrew Ears:

Mouth, you're guffawing again. No, really. Hopocalypse is an Imperial Red Ale--8% ABV with 110 IBU's. Hops throughout with a phenomenal nectar finish...

SCrew Mouth:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what any of those abbreviations mean--just let me taste that mushroom sauce.



SCrew Ears:

I also heard IPA's and other bitter beers go well with spicy foods. In fact...

SCrew Mouth:

OH MY GOD! Eyes, is anyone looking?!?

SCrew Eyes:

Um...I don't think so but my vision has gotten worse since I turned 30 so...

SCrew Mouth:

I totally want to lick this platter clean. Sriacha, honey-mustard, buttery beerness...is that sour cream in there??? I must have this recipe! 

SCrew Bladder:

Not to interrupt all this fun but I gotta piss. 

SCrew Ears:

Ok but hurry back. I heard something about a stout. That's our favorite kind of beer. And not just any stout. I heard "chocolate" stout.

SCrew Mouth:

Oh my ever loving godmother.



SCrew Ears:

Hand, are you getting this? I heard...just a second...Ecuadorian cacao...lactose to enhance the toffee richness of the brew...

SCrew Eyes:

Did you see that scorched, chestnut color? I hope it tastes as good as it...

SCrew Mouth:

OH MY GOD! It's like being in "Chocolat!" Remember that scene where the concierge lends himself to abandon and rolls around in all the chocolate...

SCrew Eyes:

You didn't see that movie. I did.

SCrew Mouth:

Shut up eyes--I heard about it.

SCrew Ears:

No you didn't--I did.

SCrew Mouth:

Everyone shut up. 

SCrew Ears:

Technically, only you can do that.

SCrew Eyes:

Well, technically I can shut up...

SCrew Mouth:

THE PORK IS HERE! You won't believe this--the barbecue sauce is made with the chocolate stout. These are the most tender pork chops ever and...the rice...and just a second there's some Swiss chard...I love greens and...OH HEAVEN ON A FORK! These are the BEST GREENS I have EVER HAD! I'm going to ask body if I can roll around on my plate...



SCrew Body:

This is a new shirt. Don't even think about it.

SCrew Brain:

I'm the thinker here.

SCrew Ears:

I heard that dessert is being served with beer and that it tastes like an oatmeal cookie.




SCrew Eyes:

Mmmm dark.

SCrew Nose:

Smells like Christmas!

SCrew Eyes/Mouth/Ears:

Where the hell have you been?

SCrew Nose:

Sorry, I had to run. 

SCrew Mouth:

He reduced this beer to make a sauce mixed with an apple crisp and ice cream. It's a caramelized raisin oatmeal with magic inside.

SCrew Eyes:

Soothing...I think this is a "nite nite" beer...

SCrew Mouth:

It's like cappuccino...creme brulee...an adult cola float...

SCrew Stomach:

I'm full.

SCrew Ego:

You jerks are making me fat. 


http://thecrownsterling.net/

http://www.endofbadbeer.com/

3 comments:

  1. That is AWESOME! Thank you for making my day!

    ReplyDelete
  2. THE SCREW SHALL MAKE ALL DAYS MADE!!!

    ReplyDelete