Thursday, January 30, 2014

SCrewper Weekend Series: Shakin, Not Stirred

SCrew Lucy shook it up this weekend with a collaboration of trekking and trifling. You should've been there but you were too busy not reading my blogs or following me on Facebook. Either stop being a jackoff or quit complaing about how bored you are and how there's nothing to do around here blah blah blah.

My first SCrew trip of the year was to none other than Charlottesville, Virginia where health care is better, no one carves their university initials into mountains, and bands play their own music instead of covers in order to assure that no poor white trash shows up screaming,"Play some SKIN-NARD!" Consequently, it's also so I won't elbow my way to the front to request Def Leppard in an embarrassing attempt to relive my twenties. 

Which naturally follows into the introduction to my SCrewper Weekend.

I really don't want to be one of those people who go on and on about how the "young people's" music these days doesn't compare to when I was a teenager since Grunge was the last epic music available. Of course, I was somewhat miffed that Grunge killed Hair Metal and I can't remember what killed Grunge since I was mostly drunk or high from 1999-2003 (just kidding Mom--I was actually just locked in a basement) but I do know that my first reaction upon hearing and viewing Mumford and Sons is to say and viscerally feel,"Psh. Those little wafer loafs don't know anything about REAL music."

And then I feel ridiculous because I know so little about music of any kind that I'm embarrassed to be around musicians...or I would be if I didn't have a ridiculously imbalanced idea of my own personal value as a human being. So I'm quite content to respond to any young musical talent with,"I hate the Beatles and I think Prince sucks it big time."

Really, though. Prince? Gross. I can't think of anyone I hate more besides Elton John.

Please identify your ability to continue reading this blog with humor or determine that you and I can never communicate ever again. In addition, I also hate The Rolling Stones and Lady Gaga (my annoying, middle-age scruples will not allow me to like someone who has so obviously poached songs from Madonna although I never liked Madonna either and Madonna ripped off someone from the seventies).

So I subscribed to Paste and Rolling Stone a long time ago and started listening to hip and with-it albums. So last month, when I read about the new video release from Swear and Shake and discovered they would be in Charlottesville at The Southern, I was all like,"I have to go find some old 1980's skates and find out what a hipster girl looks like so I can go to this show and look like I fit in."

I will just tell you that whether or not you like this genre of music (Indie Folk) this video is bad ass and one day I will star in one just like it except I'll be in a Rockem Sockem match with Prince.

I have a girl crush on the lead singer mostly because I want to steal her hair in the middle of the night.

I couldn't find any pictures of The Southern online that helped me know what kind of establishment I was getting myself into, so I did you a favor and took some. I was imagining some smokey dive from the reviews online. Instead, I discovered a comfortable environment without annoying college students (note the "annoying"--there were college students and I learned a lot about YOLO from the lot of them), smoke, cramped seating, bitchy waitresses, or filth.

Instead, the food is far beyond standard, the patrons are a mix of hipsters, college preps, older people (like, older than me old) and, again, non-annoying people. Of course, we didn't stay late and I heard rumors of someone being escorted out, but all in all, I was all like, cool.

We didn't stay to see The Currys, but they were not-annoying too. I was just too tired and cold to endure being awake any longer.

It was really, really cold this weekend.

So anyway, I started by ordering the beet salad with a cranberry seltzer to drink. They have local beer, including Grateful Ale from Starr Hill, but I was designated driver this evening (Screw responsibly). 

I know beet salad is made with spinach and arugula, red onion, sunflower seeds and orange vinaigrette. You may want to nix the red onion because it was a little excessive. Next, I decided the Smokey Dokey sounded different enough to try: smoked sweet potato, onion jam, braised kale, and classic slaw. Although slaw was already on the sandwich, I couldn't resist order the blue cheese and apple slaw since I adore blue cheese. Then, since two sides were offered, I passed on the braised kale for the rosemary chips.

Then I was all like...

I also discovered a business this weekend called Shaking Hands Productions. If you cut through all the trappings, this business makes a movie preview out weddings for rich people. If I had enough money to pay the fee that starts at around $3500, I would start my priceless film memory with a viper green "THE FILM ADVERTISED HAS BEEN RATED R" warning and it would just continue to climb to heights of hilarity from that point forward.

I'm sorry, as previously mentioned I don't do precious. My "trash the dress" ideas end at wearing a prom dress in a bog holding a machine gun with Foster the People playing in the background. I know. I'm kind of manish.

Finally nothing would complete a SCrew weekend without a theme centered primarily on food so I thought and thought and thought some more, then decided that out of all the local places to go for a milkshake, I would choose V&T's Grill because it had been a while. They have Hershey's ice cream. They have pies. They have coffee. They have food. They have my patronage. 

I decided to make one of their sundaes into a milkshake. At first, the waitress attempted to insist that it would not be in my best interest to do this, however after I guaranteed her that payment would be received whether I liked it or not, she promptly brought my chocolate cherry milkshake (with real cherries, real chocolate, and caramel) and I enjoyed the ever-loving hell out of it.

Here is a raspberry truffle sundae:

Since I cut sugar from my diet something like this is five hundred seventeen times as desirable and also like crack.

Stay tuned in February for the next SCrewper Weekend...

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